Much like the great depression, this year seems to have brought about lots of depressed, hopeless, and poor people. Even after losing their jobs, health, and all sense of stability, those lucky losers managed to gain the sympathy of America, government assistance and tons of time to wallow in their pathetic lives.
Want to reap the many benefits of ruining your life too, follow these easy steps and you’ll soon hit your rock bottom…
1. Sell yourself short.
What’s the point in valuing yourself if you are going to get paid less than you are worth anyway? And why bother challenging yourself if you are probably going to fail. Face it – even if you do try to reach your “full potential” you aren’t going to get paid for it. If you are content with your current level of mediocrity, there’s no need for you to not jump at every chance to make less than minimum wage.
2. Listen to the naysayers.
They’re the ones who have seen and done it all before. They are wiser, richer, and smarter than you and they still had to give up on their dreams. So naturally you should listen to them when they tell you you’re dreams are impossible. After all, they’ve got years of experience to back up their negativity. They know what they’re talking about. You’d be a fool not to listen.
3. Don’t take risks
There’s is a chance you will fail. That’s the thing about risks. The smart thing for you to do is to not to take chances. This way you guarantee that nothing will happen to you. Ever.
4. Listen to the statistics
Sure those depressing statistics are always about other people, but it’s a good indicator of what’s going to happen to you. Why should you expect to start a successful business if 50 percent of them always fail within the first year? With so many records of failure, it’s obvious that’s going to happen to you someday. Numbers don’t lie.
5. Follow the crowd
There’s a reason why loads of people are all doing the same thing. It’s because it’s the right thing to do. Think about it. If it’s a dumb thing to do why would so many people be engaging in it. It’s time to join the herd and follow suit. If you don’t know what to do follow the way of the crowd. They won’t steer your wrong.
6. Quit after the first attempt
If it doesn’t work out the first time what makes you think it will work on the second, third or fourth attempts. Nothing is going to change and you’ll only continue to get negative results. The best thing for you to do is to quit while you’re ahead.
7. Live in the past
There’s nothing better than reliving the best moments of yesteryear on a recurring basis. There’s no point in striving for the best if it’s probably going to just fall flat of what you’ve already done. The best days of your life are already behind you. Live it over and over again.
8. Resist change.
You know how the saying goes: If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. There’s no need to waste time improving aspects of your life if you are already content with the way things are. You don’t have to change just because the world around you does. Stay the same. Change and progress are overrated.
9. Do only what is required of you.
Don’t bother going above and beyond the call of duty. After all, you aren’t getting paid for it. Your hard work isn’t going to get recognized and you’re probably just going to be taken advantage. So go ahead and just do the bare minimum. People probably aren’t paying attention to you anyway.
10. Have a sense of entitlement
You’ve got a college degree, six years of management experience and awards behind your name. Of course, you deserve to get a six figure salary at the new company even though you’ve never worked in the industry before. They’d be fooling themselves if they think you don’t deserve at least $100,000 to start. You need to refer those human resources professionals to your resume again.
11. Only chase the money
Who needs a life of meaning, happiness, and fulfillment when you are filthy rich? Sure you feel your life is void of purpose and you have no companion, but it’s ok because Lincoln, Benjamin, and Jackson have become like family to you. Luckily, that’s all the family you need.
12. Wait for things to happen to you
Patience is a virtue. There’s no sense in going out and making things happen. Things will come to you in due time. So rather than tiring yourself out by being proactive, you should probably try doing nothing. Good things come to those who wait.
13. Bite the hand that feeds you
The only way to get anywhere in life is to step on the hands that helped you rise above your obstacles. Don’t feel bad. If they were smart they would have tried to help themselves instead of helping you succeed. It’s every man for himself these days. You never asked for those handouts, so they shouldn’t expect anything in return.
14. Ignore the opportunities
After all, they are almost always too good be true. You’re better off questioning everything and being skeptical of all seemingly good things that come your way.
15. Ignore all your mistakes
Whoever said you can learn from your mistakes was seriously mistaken. After all, you’re just going to continuing making new ones as long as you live. So don’t even bother owning up to the mistakes you’ve already made. You are only bound to repeat them.
All jokes aside, your life is truly what you make it. I’ve learned that negativity only brings more negativity. As children, we’re taught that nothing is impossible. The key is to remember that as adults. Happiness is a choice. Even a few bad choices won’t make your life a terrible one unless you decide to.
What steps have you taken towards ruining your life lately?
TERRIfic Quip: If you want to see a miracle, be the miracle.