Hurt people hurt people. It’s a popular quote most people know when referencing painful relationships. Yet, there doesn’t seem to be any catchy quotes for dealing with hurt from that person you trusted. I know because I looked and failed. And it happened at a time I needed it most.
Just two weeks ago I was forced to deal with someone whom I thought was a friend intentionally hurt me all over a misunderstanding. She questioned my character, belittled me and shamed me publicly on social media. And to make matters worse, she made it known that I was no longer welcome at a place I loved. If that isn’t called hurting you intentionally – I don’t know what is. Rather than doing what she did – attack her character and publicly shame her on social media- I did what comes naturally to most Cancer women (or anyone for that matter). I cried. I cried for days wondering how this person I thought would be a life long friend could treat me so poorly. I cried for hours mourning the friendship and chapter of my life that had come to an end. I cried for days wondering where I went wrong and blamed myself for this girl’s callous actions towards me. And as the tears subsided I wondered how I would make the hurt end.
I’d be lying if I said that it still didn’t hurt sometimes. While hurting her just as bad as she hurt me would’ve made me feel better temporarily, I knew I had to find a way to deal that had more impact. Luckily, all I had to do was look towards the people I admire most to realize the steps that I needed to take. I only hope the below help you as much as they helped me deal with someone who tried to hurt me intentionally.
1. Be honest and stop the pain
Although vulnerability is one of the things I’m most afraid of, I realized I needed to allow myself to be vulnerable when confronting this girl. I explained how she made me feel and discussed what caused the issue. In this case, it was a third party misinforming this “friend” about a conversation I had with another person. Rather than trusting the person she knew me to be and ask if what she heard was true, she decided to go on the defensive. Unfortunately, this girl had already made up her mind about believing those lies. I knew trying to convince her otherwise was out of the question and not worth the effort. So instead I decided it was time to make her stop the pain by ceasing her efforts to try to hurt me. As silly as it sounds, some people are not aware of how callous and offensive they are being until they are called out on it. In my case, i told her that I didn’t appreciate being belittled on Facebook and Instagram. I was fortunate in that the person realized her wrong doing and stopped it immediately.
2. Stop blaming yourself
This is a tough one, but stop blaming yourself for the way this person chose to act towards you. The reality of the situation is this person intentionally hurting you has a lot more to do with their issues than yours. While it would be easy to blame yourself for everything under the sun, now is the time you need to celebrate yourself and realize that you can’t control people, what they do or what they think about you. There are people who will love everything about you and people who have nothing good to say about you. You will never be perfect, but you can be pretty damn amazing. Keep in mind, Jesus was perfect and they still hated and hurt him. So stop blaming yourself for someone’s immature reaction towards you.
3. Resist the urge to get revenge
A true mark of maturity is trying to understand someone’s hurt rather than trying to hurt that person just as bad as she hurt you. Luckily, I never had an issue in this department. It’s just not in my DNA. But i definitely did think about it. An eye for an eye only makes you just as wrong as the other person. Plus, it just takes too much effort. Instead of investing energy in trying to get the person back, channel that into something productive so you can be the best version of yourself. After all, living well is the best kind of revenge.
4. Show them your softer side
If you thought, resisting the need to hurt her was hard enough, wait till you try to show them your nicer side. They may not deserve your kindness, but in my experience being kinder to that person helps you more than it helps the person who hurt you. Showing your softer side when people intentionally hurt you, not only eases your miserable feelings but makes it less likely for you to feel guilty. Think about how guilty you’d feel had you chosen to blast them on social media the way they did. Now think about how proud of yourself you’ll feel if you chose to pray for that person every night. Sure praying for the person who hurt you may not change the person, but it will certainly change you. Furthermore, being kind and showing that person your softer side will reflect greatly on you. Even though you don’t need to prove anything to anyone, those familiar with the situation will only see you as a kind, levelheaded, and mature person. Lastly, it will only ease your feelings about the painful situation. Rather than feeling bitter and scorned about the pain this person caused you, you’ll feel compelled to only feel pity for the amount of hate this vengeful person has in her life.
5. Be the best version of yourself
After this incident, I made the mistake of proclaiming that I’ll never let myself get close to anyone again. However, that is the worst possible thing I could do. Allowing the painful situation to change me, only gives her the power and results in my giving the world a second rate version of myself. If you do that, you’re only allowing the person who intentionally hurt you to win. Lord know’s she doesn’t deserve another victory.
Don’t let anyone’s pain, drama, ignorance, lies, or closed mind stop you from being the person you are meant to be. Instead, choose to utilize this painful situation to be a better version of yourself. Take the lessons of scorn, conflict resolution and sympathy that you acquired from this situation and apply it towards building better relationships, valuable opportunities, and selfless acts of kindness.Don't let anyone's pain, drama, ignorance, lies, or closed mind stop you from being the person you are. Click To Tweet
How do you cope when a person has hurt you intentionally? Have you ever tried to get revenge?
TERRIfic Words: Be kind to unkind people. They need it most.