It’s almost 10:30 am. Have you given thanks as yet? I’m not talking about praying…. although praying in the morning isn’t a bad idea either. But what I’m talking about is giving thanks to those people in your life that help make life worth living and bliss. When was the last time you showed your mom how appreciative of her you are when it wasn’t mother’s day or her birthday? Or how about the last time you gave your doctor a shout out for her amazing bed side manner? No, covering the difference in your copay doesn’t count. Birthday or not, holiday or plain ole Monday, people like to feel appreciated. What better way is there to start the week than by showing your love to someone else just because it’s Monday? And I don’t mean just an “I Love You” text or “Thanks for being you,” email. I’m talking about a physically handwritten letter with your favorite pen on a piece of paper you carefully selected. Continue reading
There’s only a few more hours left at work and you feel like you never woke up. The coffee just isn’t doing it and surge of urgent emails just keep flooding your mailbox. I get it. This Monday is a drag. And the Monday after daylight savings time always seems to be the worst. Like everyone else across the country, I always find myself asking “Is it really necessary for the clocks to move forward every year?” And I have a feeling I will continue asking myself that for the rest of the week until I seem to catch up on sleep.
Seriously, is it me or does the constant changing of the clocks seem to be much more of a nuisance than it is a benefit? Sure the days are longer, but it only brings us an hour closer to work, an hour closer to paying those bills and an hour closer to death. And who wants to be that much closer to a strenuous day of work and late fees when you couldn’t even manage to get a good night of sleep?
It’s pretty difficult to see the benefit in that. That is, until I realized turning the clocks forward does bring me closer to all things I look forward to. That one hour I lost means I’m that much closer to seeing my friends this Saturday and even closer to pay day on Friday. Not monition, I’m an hour closer to catching up on that hour of sleep I lost last night. (Lord, knows I need it after getting up for work at 4:00 am.) Once I realized that small tidbit, my day certainly got a bit brighter!
So instead of thinking of this Monday as the worst one all year because of the loss of hours and the proximity to unwanted chores, it’s about time we think of it as bringing us that much closer to the things we look forward to. (Not to mention we’re now further way from the things we want to leave behind.) Allow the sunshine to give way to hope while the fears and disappointments fade into the dark this daylight savings. Do that, and you’ll always stay on the sunny side of life!
TERRIfic Quip: Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction.
“Things Fall Apart” is more than just a legendary novel most of us were forced to read during our high school english class. For a lot of us, it seems to be the hook to a never ending song that keeps playing on repeat in the background of our lives. Unfortunately, it’s not a good song. Within the lyrics are tales of health issues, followed by job stressors, followed by a promotion, followed by yet another disappointment.
After so many down falls, it’s only natural you’ll just want to pull the plug on the radio and give up all hope. And who can blame you? Hell, I was ready to give up on life several months ago. Thanks to a bad business decision made earlier this year, I lost clients, had my cable and internet cut off, and was carless. Of course, I got through it the only way most of us know how. I gave up. Because giving up is on everyone’s mind, I figured I’d share how to do it the right way from personal experience. So if you want to give up like a pro when it seems like everything in life falls apart, follow my advice…
1. Remember that everything is permanent.
Ever notice that whenever there is bad weather it often lingers for days? Or what about when you have projects at work that seem to go on forever? Some things in life just seem to be never-ending. Or what about your time in college? Didn’t that drag on for way too long? That’s because everything in life is permanent. When I went through my down time without a few clients, I felt like the drought would never end. Focusing on that helped me be upset longer so I could give up all hope.
It’s about time you accept that things will never get better for you. You’ll probably always be tired even after a nap. You’ll always feel hungry even after you eat and you’ll always be poor even though you work. Just give up on everything changing now and learn to live with your sucky life forever. Doing that makes it much easier to give up when your life is falling a part before your eyes.
2. Worry and complain at every chance you get.
Ever notice how the people who don’t worry are usually the happiest? Well that’s the opposite of what we are going for here. I learned that the only way to stay down long enough for you to want to give up on life is to complain and worry all day, every day. That’s what I did with my husband. As soon as he got home from work, I bored him to death with my tales of sorrow and worries about getting by. Ignore the people who say you should be grateful for what you have. You tried that and it didn’t stop your life from falling apart. It’s time you worry and complain at every chance you get.
3. Focus on all the negativity.
Sure, you may have gotten married last year and it’s true your birthday is right around the corner, but that hasn’t helped you get out of your current struggle. So forget about all of that stuff. Focusing on that certainly won’t assist in giving up when life falls apart. Instead, focus on all the bad things that contributed to the horrible situations. Take into consideration the bachelor’s degree that hasn’t amounted to anything, the rising gas prices that eats at your wallet and the ungodly amount of calories in the lunch you just had contributing to your expanding waist line. Negativity is what got you into this sham of a life, and it’s the only thing that will keep there!
4. Let other people’s negativity take over.
Whenever you see someone else wallowing in their problems, join right in. Sometimes your own negativity isn’t enough to make you give up on your own. You may need the help of other depressing people to make you realize how horrible life really is. The best way to give up is to surround yourself with negativity. Allow everyone’s bitterness to change the person you are. What’s the point in being happy and hopeful, if there are so many other things to be upset about? Focus on that and the world’s problems, and giving up will be a breeze for you!
5. Think about how much you’re not growing because of the pain you’re facing.
Let’s face it. You’re obviously not becoming a better person. If you were, you wouldn’t have had so many screw ups. After all, how many times do you recall your loving and perfect parents messing up? Probably never. And let’s not forget your mentor. There’s a reason why she’s able to give you such good advice about careers, business and living life. It’s because she’s never done anything wrong. In fact, all the people in your life whom you love and admire have been doing things almost perfectly once they got older. So it’s clear there’s something wrong with you. If you were growing, you wouldn’t be facing such pain. Rather than thinking about how you can improve, focus on everything you’ve done wrong and the pain you are feeling. Only then will you be successful on giving up on life. Remember, feeling pain and making mistakes is never a part of growing.
Got that? Great now go out there, make me proud, and start giving up like your life depends on it.
.. Seriously, my life didn’t start getting better until I decided not to give up. I realized that I only have one shot at life, so this is my chance to live it to the best of my ability. Why give up on life because of a few bad months, when you still have so much life to live?
Have you ever given up on life? What did you did?
TERRIfic Quip: This too shall pass.
If you’ve followed this blog for you a while, you probably realized the fearful posts I was once so committed to publishing weeklies has disappeared. It’s been months since I’ve told you about how scared I’ve myself daily. I’m not proud of it. I’d love to say it was because I’ve been planning a ridiculously crazy and out-of-this-world plan that I had to wait for further development before I revealed it to you. I’d even love to say it was because I’d experience such growth in my business that I had to cease keeping up with the blog. But that isn’t true either. There’s only one word to describe the reason, why I discontinued by fearless posts. FEAR. Yes, it’s a bit ironic but it’s true. I was fearful that what I posted wouldn’t live up to
In the past year, I’ve written posts about snorkeling, auditioning for a professional dance team and challenging my body with new tricks on the pole. After rereading those past posts, I know there was no way anything I wrote would live up to that. So instead of doing something even more scary than conquering the ocean I took the coward approach and stopped trying.
I stopped challenging myself, which ultimately stopped myself and this blog from growing. Of course, that defeated the whole purpose of my starting the year long fearful challenge. Conquering your fear means allowing yourself to live. And for months, I let my fear take away my right to life. That ends now. Next week, I’ll be back to my updates of living a fearless life.
You hop on the computer ready to do your normal social networking promotions for business while listening to the radio when you hear a line from your favorite song, “Can’t Stop. Won’t Stop.” Naturally, you feel instantly inspired and decide to make it your Facebook status. Before you know it, you’re all over Facebook and it’s time to close up shop. No worries though. You’ll make up for lost time tomorrow. Except tomorrow comes and you are feeling too depressed and unsure about your future to get any work done . That’s when you jump on Pinterest and get pin happy when finding all the motivational quotes assuring you to keep going because, “Your past is just a story. Once you realize this, it has no power over you.” Then you read the perfect quote that speaks to your soul and current situation. “Take pride in how far you’ve come and have faith in how far you’ll go.” Feeling better about yourself, you go about your day confident in your abilities while turning on the tv and surfing the internet.
Does the above sound familiar? I’m sure it rings true to a lot of people; myself included. However, there’s one major problem with that scenario. Sure you now feel confident about how far you’ve come and have faith in where you’ll go, but you haven’t gone anywhere. Why? Because you let all your potential, motivation and zeal to do something rest in a motivational quote you found online. Rather than actually doing what the quote was supposed to motivate you to do, you chose to make a meme featuring the quote, pin it on Pinterest, and then put it all over your room.
Sure, it’s great these quotes and uplifting memes helped you feel good about yourself and inspired you to do something. But the truth is they’re pointless if you never do anything. Don’t feel bad. I’ve been guilty of getting so quote happy that I’ve never applied the lessons to anything a time or two in the past. It happens to the best of us.
It’s about time we face the facts. We can believe we can do the impossible just like the quote says all we want, but the impossible won’t start happening until we learn to mix in a healthy dose of doing along with the believing. It’s really no different than teaching a young child a valuable lesson while he nods in agreement only to find out your words of wisdom have gone in one ear and out the other.
Remember when your mother would tell you how important it is to not say anything at all if you have nothing nice to say? You always remembered it right after picking on your younger sibling. Of course, simply remembering it didn’t stop you from being mean to your brother. Well, that’s exactly what you are doing when it comes to those motivational quotes. Rather than just fawning over that inspirational quote, make sure you actually practice what that quote inspires you to do.
If life after the quote is still difficult, try doing this little exercise. Say your favorite words of inspiration aloud and then follow it with what aspect of your life you plan to change or what you plan to do. For example, “I have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce. That means there’s nothing stopping me from catapulting my business in two months. I will do everything I can today to get the word out and work on my blog posts.” Then make it happen. Remember, actions always speak louder than words… even louder than a few words of motivation.
Have you fallen slave to the motivational quote? How did you snap out of it and get things done?
TERRIfic Quip: As Nike would say “Just do it”
You’ve probably noticed that I’ve fallen off my fearless quest for a while. But I’m back and I’m more fearless than ever! However, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Though the posts may have stopped, fearless challenges have not.
After a few weeks of hiatus, I think it’s time I let you in on a little secret. I’ve taken my fearless quests to a whole new level by attempting to live a dream I’ve always held close to my heart. I am training to be a professional dancer for a sports team.
Auditions for the Trenton Freedom dance team are January 18th and I am scared out of my mind for several reasons. The are as follows:
1. I haven’t auditioned for anything since high school.
2. I lost almost all my flexibility!
3. I haven’t seriously danced since college and will be competing against girls who have danced their whole lives!
4. I am way out of shape and don’t think I have the look they want for their dance team members. (i.e. blonde/brunette, green eyes and a sick pack)
In order to accomplish this goal and tackle the fear I’ve been doing a lot to better prepare me. These things include daily stretches, attending dance classes I’ve always been afraid to take (there is nothing like returning to a dance class with prima ballerinas after a longlong hiatus), and committing to a clean diet.
So why have I taken so long to dish about my secret fearless quest? Simply put, I was scared. I knew that letting my loyal readers know about my quest to be a pro dancers would only mean that I would definitely have to do it. But it’s time I let the world know my plans. After all, my mother always said a closed mouth doesn’t get fed. Therefore, I am speaking it into existence. I will be a Trenton Freedom Dance Team Member. Let’s just hope this fear won’t be as scary as I anticipate.
“The next time I see you, it will be at your funeral.” I never thought those words would ever leave my lips when talking about such a young soul, but somehow they were. Though we barely had a relationship, her passing affected me deeply. Maybe it was because she was a fellow Sayreville alum or perhaps it was that she was so young and still had a lot of life to live. Or it could be the fact that despite going to the same schools for a majority of my childhood, I never took the time to get to know who she really was.
Yes, from what I saw she was a sweet and lively individual. But other than a few Facebook messages wishing each other a happy birthday, we had no relationship. And besides her quotes in the high school yearbook and statuses on social networking sites, I didn’t even have a glimmer of her personality or true understanding of who she wanted to be. Honestly, she was like a stranger to me. That’s why the emotion that took over the day I went to her wake surprised me.
There I was crying hysterically over a girl I never took the time to know and couldn’t figure out why. I was always drawn to her but because I never took advantage of the opportunity to become her friend, she remained a mystery. While surrounded by the fallen angel’s closest friends and family, I stood quietly as they reminisced over their favorite memories with her. As silly as it sounds, I was secretly jealous of those who took advantage of their chance to know her. I quickly grew angry with myself upon realizing that other than saying hi as we walked past each other in high school my most intimate memory was a discussion on Facebook about weddings. I beat myself up for not getting closer to her preventing me from having any real intimate memories.
While I drove home that night, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing in mourning the loss. As I thought about that beautiful girl in the casket looking so much different than the girl I remembered but never got to know, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about who it could’ve been. I could have easily been spending the night at the wake for my childhood best friend, my parents, my younger brother or even my husband. It would have killed me if they left so abruptly. It also would have killed me if at their funeral, my most intimate memory would be of a shallow event that happened so long ago. In reality, that’s exactly what could happen.
As I grew older, I had less and less time to spend with loved ones. I’ve been too caught up adjusting to my new home to see parents as much as I should. Adjusting to my new life as a wife has kept me from spending as much time with my brother as I’d like. And building my business has prevented me from bonding with my husband at every opportunity. I’ve let so much time slip away. I know it was foolish because we never know how much time we have left together.
That’s why I was ashamed at how long I wracked my brain figuring out the best Christmas gifts to get my loved ones that fit my budget when the answer was there all along. The best thing I could do is keep it sweet and simple. This year I’m giving my friends and family the promise to make every moment with them count while we build meaningful memories together. They may call me cheap and unimaginative, but at least I’ll know I’ll be there when it matters most.
So this year I challenge you to give a truly priceless gift: the gift of time. It won’t cost you a dime and you can guarantee it will arrive in time from Christmas. (No need to worry last minute shoppers!)
You can waste well deserved money on gifts like DVD’s and iPods. Or you can save your money and give a gift that will truly stand the test of time. It’s about time we make this Christmas and everyday after that count.
What priceless gift would you like to receive this year? Do you make sure you spend enough time with loved ones as much as possible?
TERRIfic Words: Life is a one time offer. Use it well.
October 3: Took pole dancing photos. You remember my enrollment in pole dancing class? Well, I decided to take that a step further by agreeing to take some marketing pole dancing photos for the studio against my better a judgment. It’s a bit nerve-wracking to put myself out there in that venue to possibly be judged by others. We’ll see what happens. Hopefully, the pictures comes out well.
October 4: Fearless fail
October 5: Fearless fail
October 6: Fearless fail
October 7: Fearless Fail
October 8: Fearless Fail
October 9: Submitted messages on Linkedin. I’ve decided to donate my services to deserving non-profits around serving NJ. Despite what my gut was telling me I decided to alert people to my new endeavor via Linkedin message. I was afraid sending these message would seem like spam to some. However, I carefully went through my connections and sent the messages along. While didn’t get many responses, I’m happy wasn’t labeled as spam by others.
I’m ashamed to admit that all my plans to be fearless this past week were all major failures. I have no one to blame but myself. I had every intention of doing something scary during the week. However, I realized I set my fearless goals were a little to unrealistic. I planned on backing into a parking lot, diving into an indoor pool, doing a fitness photo shoot in a bikini and confronting a former friend. While I had the best of intentions, I soon learned working up to those big fears will take much more time. Tomorrow I vow to remember accept that I am still a work in progress as I continue on this never ending journey to be fearless and live.
P.S. You probably noticed this is post is extremely late. The truth is I was afraid of judgement while admitted I failed to the world. Go easy on me.
While this seems to be another random week of fears, I tried my best to conquer my those relating to past dreams. Returning to my love and dance was a big part of that.
September 26: Inquired about dance team. I’ve recently made the decision to get serious about dancing. I was once a hardcore dancer from my high school and college days. Of course, life got in the way and that all ended upon college graduation. However, a little squicky voice in my head kept nudging me to get back to it. Of course, I’ve been nervous because I’m so out of shape. Well, today I asked managers about dance team auditions for a local football team. I’m not sure why I was so nervous to ask. Maybe it’s because that first step is always the hardest to take. Regardless, I got the information I needed and will seriously considering assisting the team.
September 27: Called my case manager. I’m in the Big Brother Big Sister program in which I mentor a Little Sister who is a complete sweetheart… most of time. The last time I saw her we ran into a little issue and I was nervous about telling our case manager about it. I was afraid that I did something wrong and would get in trouble. However, I told the case manager about the situation and she was impressed with how I handled it.
September 28: Drove to Egg Harbor Township . Well, we all know how I hate driving. Anytime hubby is around I force him to drive. (I think we’re both better off that way.) But this time I took a two hour drive down to Egg Harbor Township which is two hours away from me and pretty close to Atlantic City. I am really bad with directions so I usually abstain from driving anywhere that I’m not even a little bit familiar with. However, this time I conquered my fear of driving to an unknown town and didn’t even get lost!
September 29: Tried store samples. I never try store samples because I”m always afraid of getting sick from eating open food in a store. Plus, you never know the health or hygiene of the person passing them out. However, while shopping at Wegmans I took a big risk by eating a store sample. Not only did it taste really good, but I didn’t even feel sick!
September 30: Applied for a bartender position. Well this sounds weird, but I’ve always had this secret desire to be a bartender. Did I mention I don’t really drink alcohol? Despite going to bartender school, I’ve always been afraid to give it shot. After all, a lot of bartending jobs have to deal with your appearance and ability to chat up clients, etc. Well, today that all changed when I applied to tend bar at a local restaurant. We’ll see if anything comes of it.
October 1: Told my husband the truth about my past. I think we’ve all told little lies to our significant others in the beginning of the relationship. Well, I carried that lie throughout the entire relationship. Tonight I finally told him the truth reluctantly to which he responded “Really, is that all?” It’s funny how some things are only a big deal in my mind. I truly had nothing to be scared off.
October 2: Made a real commitment to dancing. Even after taking dance classes for most of my life, I’ve been afraid of going back to it. So I decided to confront my fear of making a feel of myself in new dance classes by buying a dance card for local dance studio on Groupon.
Hardest thing this week? Confessing to my husband the truth about that white lie I told way back when. Have you ever came clean about a lie you told?
I absolutely hate driving. I despite it. It’s frustrating and honestly, I don’t think I’m a very good driver so I usually avoid driving when I can. But this week, I faced the fear three times!
September 19: Reconnected with old friends. Have you ever lost touch with old friends years earlier and wondered how they are doing now? Well, that’s what happens to me fairly frequently. However, I never do anything about it out of fear I’ll look strange for reaching out after so long. This time I decided to push that fear aside and initiate talks for a get together. So I set out on Facebook and messaged my four old friends after a year of not speaking for a meetup. They all obliged and we’ll all be meeting at a popular restaurant in New Brunswick. I guess nobody thought I was weird for initiating the reunion.
September 20: Took the turnpike. This sounds silly, but I’m afraid of the NJ Turnpike. Whenever I have to drive anywhere far, I would either take 295, Route 1 or some other highway. The NJ Turnpike is so intimidating. Everyone drives so fast and it only forces you to drive faster if you want to avoid causing an accident. Well, I’m proud to admit that I drove on the Turnpike for three whole exists and got to my destination safely. I still don’t like the Turnpike, but maybe it’s not as scary as I make it out to be.
September 21: Traveled on a dark road. I’ve said it once before, but I hate traveling on dark roads at night. It’s impossible to see with no street lights. But for some reason, I decided to test my luck and push my fear to the max by venturing onto a dark road at 11:00 pm. Big mistake. Not only was it harder to drive, because there are less cars to follow at that time of night, but there was also a downpour of blinding rain. I was so panicked I had to talk to my husband on the phone while I drove to calm me down. The rain was so blinding that I couldn’t see the road for my exit and almost hit the sign. Luckily, I made it back home with no incidents. However, I will never drive on a dark road late at night when it’s raining again. I think is one fear worth having.
September 22: Ran a 5k. Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned signing up to run a 5k for the March of Dimes? Well, I
almost chickened out. First, I never finished my training, secondly my husband was traveling on business so I had no support system with me, and third I am a runner by no means. But I took the plunge and decided to do it. I was so afraid of making a fool out myself in comparison to all the other veteran runners. However, I made myself proud. I didn’t come in last and jogged the whole thing in 37 minutes. It felt absolutely amazing to conquer this fear and follow through.
September 23: Tweeted a celebrity. Well, I tweeted a celebrity, by the name of Kelly Ripa. On Live with Kelly and Michael this morning she discussed how she doesn’t follow enough people on Twitter. So I thought it was the perfect time to get my first follow from a celebrity. Of course, I was afraid of looking like an idiot in front millions of Twitter participants and the famous, Kelly Ripa. But I decided to suck it up and try it anyway in the hopes she’ll follow me back. It’s been a few hours with no follow from her, but I’ll be paying attention to see if I’ll catch her eye. At least, I haven’t been ridiculed about it by anyone.
September 24: Emailed my writing idols. Asking for help is never easy; especially when requesting it from people you idolize. But that’s exactly what I did, when I needed some help for a story I was writing. It was intimidating to ask them considering their experience level and expertise in comparison to mine. However, they were extremely receptive and helpful to my questions. Just goes to show that if you don’t ask, you get nothing. Fear averted!
September 25: Took new directions to a location. I am horrible with directions and hate getting lost. As a result, I rarely find shortcuts to anything. If traffic is backed up on the highway for 30 minutes I rarely try to find a way to avert it due to fear of getting lost. That’s why it was a big deal when I decided to take backroads to an event I was speaking at almost an hour away from where I live. Well, while I didn’t get lost I did have difficulty finding the building but it wasn’t anything that a quick call to the location couldn’t fix. HOnestly, I think it may be the first time I’ve followed directions I wasn’t familiar with and didn’t take a wrong turn anywhere!
Highlight of the week? Participating in my first 5k. Have you ever done a 5k before?